In order to file for divorce in NY, there are two basic requirements:
1. You must satisfy the residency criteria.
2. You must satisfy the grounds for divorce criteria set by the state.
In order to satisfy the residency criteria, you need to have either been married in the state of NY with at least one party remaining in the state as a resident at the time of filing for divorce, or that you have resided in NY as a husband and wife at the time of filing for at least one year, or that the cause for divorce occurred in the state and both parties are residents at the time of filing.
The grounds for divorce would need to be one of the following:
1. Cruel and inhumane treatment
3. Confinement to prison for a period of three or more consecutive years
5. Living apart for one or more years prior to the final judgement on the divorce case
6. Living apart for one or more years in accordance with the written agreement of separation
Once the decision is to separate, you may choose to hire an attorney for each of you and embark on a long (and very costly) journey to litigation. This is a good option if you believe that your spouse and you are unable to mediate and that your spouse is being dishonest (hiding assets, for example). Do keep in mind,though, that if you have children together, you will be standing together at their graduations and weddings. and as hard as it sometimes may seem- it is always better to separate on good terms-financially, personally, and of course, for the sake of your children.